How Paul taught me not to push It

It’s a funny old world, singledom.  I’ve written before about the various perks of not having a long-term partner – and there are a few of them!  I’m sure some of my friends are a bit jealous that I get to sit and listen to old records, whilst eating a takeaway curry, without having to worry about picking the kids up or cleaning for the in-laws visit at the weekend.  (No in-laws: also a benefit).   Obviously, though, I’d still like to meet someone.

I do ask friends for advice and the biggest tip I get is probably this – don’t force it.  Most people who struggle to meet new people tend to try and overdo it.  They’ll head out on the town and immediately start talking to every member of the opposite sex that they meet.  It’s tricky trying to get that combination of confidence and chattiness without seeming too desperate!

I think, however, that there might be something in it.  I only say so because, recently, Paul (a guy I work with and sometimes have a few beers with) seems to have met the right person.  You can always tell when someone meets the right person because, rather than rant and rave about whether they’re right, they basically disappear for weeks at a time, only emerging for work and food.  When pressed about the new relationship, they all just say “Yeah, I’m happy” and that’s about it!

Paul, interestingly, was always telling me before about how desperate he was for a partner.  He constantly went out to nightclubs and was always getting friends to set him up on blind dates.  I’ve never seen anyone that committed to meeting someone.  Somehow, though, it always ended up going wrong for one reason or another.

A week before he met Lucy (his new lady – that’s the only information about her I’ve managed to get from him so far) he said to me that he was done.  “Steve, that’s me finished with trying to date.  I’m going to focus on this book” (he’s an aspiring novelist) “so stop worrying.”

Literally a week later, he meets the girl of his dreams.  It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

The online dating game

Online datingBeing single and looking for the perfect person, I’ve given online dating a go a few times, but I’m not sure it’s for me.  I have friends who have had success, and there is always a happy ever after story to be read, but my experience so far hasn’t been that great.

I find it hard not to judge people by their photo, but at the same time I don’t want to chat to people with no photo, they really could be anyone and that is just too weird and scary.  I wouldn’t want an opinion formed about me based purely on my looks, but at the same time I obviously want to meet someone that I find attractive.

So, what is the answer?  I’d say if you are going to try online dating then treat it as a shopping experience and don’t take it to heart if people don’t respond to your approaches.  It may just be one tiny thing in your profile that puts them off.  I know that I’ve written off potential girls online, based purely on something as minor as the fact that they like reality shows; probably stupid on my part, but I just don’t think we would get on.  I expect people would do the same to me if they found out that I don’t cook.  It isn’t personal, just going for the odds.

I’m not giving up on the online dating thing, just trying to remember that if I don’t get a response when I approach someone I like the look of, they probably aren’t the right person for me.  And it is definitely their loss anyway!

Dating the wrong girl ends badly

As regular readers will be aware of by now, I am a single guy. That is not completely by choice; The right woman simply has not entered my life yet. It’s not as if I haven’t tried, however. I have even given online dating a try, but up until now, I have simply not met that one person I feel I could spend the rest of my life with.

To be honest, I did meet someone online who I really liked a few weeks ago. We sometimes chatted for hours about things that most people would regard as insignificant. Eventually, I asked her to give me her mobile phone number. She refused, saying that she would prefer to phone me. At that stage, I should have smelled a rat, but I didn’t.

She phoned me a couple of times from a landline number, but when I tried to phone back afterwards, there was no reply. I still didn’t suspect anything, which just shows how inexperienced I actually am when it comes to the realities of 21st century dating.

After a few weeks, I said that I would love to meet her. At first she sounded reluctant, but eventually she agreed to meet at a coffee shop in town.

In real life, she was even more charming than I imagined. She had long, blond hair and a figure to die for. She was an entertaining conversationalist, so before long, we were laughing and joking like old friends.

Everything seemed great until her husband showed up – a 6-foot tall biker with a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was furious. It quickly became apparent that I was not the first guy his wife met online in the recent past, but he was adamant that I would be the last.

I don’t remember much of what happened next, but when I regained consciousness, the lady of my dreams and her husband were nowhere to be seen. There were just a couple of embarrassed-looking strangers standing around, waiting to see how this saga ended.

Needles to say, I never saw her again. These days, I am much more careful when it comes to online dating.

Being single: the advantages

As I have mentioned before, more than once, I am single.  I don’t expect to remain that way forever, and I have been actively dating in the hope of remedying the situation.  But my lack of success has made me think that perhaps the single life isn’t so bad after all.

For one thing, I have more time to pursue my hobbies.  Okay, it would be nice to share my life with someone, especially someone who liked at least some of the things I like.  But for the time being, it’s nice to know that I can do what I like to do, such as go swimming or do a bit of online gambling, when I like – work commitments allowing.

Being in a relationship is about compromise and when that day comes again, I will be ready to sacrifice some of my own wants and needs for the other person in my life.  For now, however, it is nice to know that I can dine out where I want to dine out and eat the type of food that I really enjoy.  Sometimes, when I am with a group of friends, we have to reach a compromise over where to eat, but other times when I am eating out alone, it is nice to know that the choice is entirely up to me.  Memo to future girlfriend – I do like a curry.

A problem shared is a problem halved, or so the old saying goes.  But sometimes I want a quiet space and some solitude to sort out a difficult issue for myself, without the pressures of having to share it with someone else.

Finally, I can flirt when I’m out socialising to my heart’s content.  I’m not saying my flirting works – I am single, after all – but it is fun trying!

My ongoing search for the right life partner

As you are probably already aware if you are a regular reader of my blogs, I am still single, but I would love to one day meet the right lady and start a family of my own.  You will also be aware that I have already given speed dating and online dating a shot, with varying degrees of success.  Although I’ve certainly met many interesting ladies this way, I still haven’t met the woman of my dreams.

I think perhaps my expectations are too high.  I want someone who is not only beautiful and intelligent enough to discuss world affairs and business matters with me, but she should also be fun to be with and have a brilliant sense of humour.  And she must understand that I am a businessman, so I often have to work long hours and I will sometimes be away from home for an extended period of time.

So far the girls I’ve met have always been lacking in one of these areas.  Some of them were as beautiful as angels, yet the only conversation they were able to keep up was about the latest cosmetics and fashion trends.  Others were intelligent and smart, yet they did not appeal to me physically, and some of them were downright cold with no sense of humour.

I don’t think my situation is unique though.  I am sure there must be millions of bachelors out there with the same problem.  I haven’t lost hope yet – I know that one day, in the not too distant future, Miss Right will make her appearance in my life.  I only hope that I will have the common sense to recognise her when I meet her.

The truth about online dating

Online dating is something that I’ve been partaking in over the past few months.  I used to frown upon the concept, thinking that it was purely for people with little self esteem; however, now I’d have to say the opposite.  It takes a lot of guts to meet somebody that you’ve never met before.

One of the benefits of online dating is the boost in confidence that you get from showing up for a date.  It also makes the initial meeting much more pleasant.  This is because you are able to make contact prior to the meeting.  In the past when I’ve used the services of an online dating website, I’ve been able to make sure that I feel completely comfortable with the other person.  This is because every online dating website that I’ve signed up for has allowed me to speak to my date using messenger and email services before speaking in person.  This can provide a great way to “break the ice” without having to go through awkward small talk.

What’s more, as shallow as this may sound, online dating has allowed me to contact only the women that I feel the most attracted to, and the same goes for the women.  When I’m out dating in the “real world”, one of the elements that makes me wonder is whether or not my date feels attracted to me.  At least with online dating, I know that when they contact me, they like what they see!

So, whilst I’m still yet to find the love of my life, I will certainly continue to consider online dating websites as a viable option in the future.